Lecture 18:

Sex, Intimacy, and Long-Term Happiness

“Remind yourself that the day you were born, your body was a cause for celebration, for love without condition, and that’s just as true today as it was then.”

-Emily Ragoski

We are sexual beings that crave intimacy and happiness. These three mental attributes intermix in complex ways and can bring us great joy, and great sorrow. Indeed, we often bring our deepest selves to our sex lives, to our intimate relationships, and thus to our human connections. Perhaps at no other time do we feel as vulnerable and open as we do during sex and intimacy. If we are closed off mentally, we may find ourselves unable to enjoy our sexuality.

We evolved to crave sex, despite the fact that childbirth has historically been one of the most dangerous points in life - for both the mother and child. But sex has many other uses besides procreation. It is a form of social interaction - a powerful mechanism for bonding - and it is typically pleasurable and rewarding. Modern day technology has provided unparalleled opportunity for sexual interactions and exploration. It is more important than ever to know yourself - what brings you happiness, in the short and long term? Ask yourself honestly, with each experience you seek - what is it you are in for? Is this good for you? Will it increase your overall happiness and satisfaction with life? Explore, learn about yourself, and find how to meet your needs and desires, and increase your overall happiness. Just remember to always expect your partners to treat you with love and respect, just as you do them.

Learning Objectives:

Sex, intimacy, and long-term happiness interact. We are sexual beings who crave both intimacy and long-term happiness.
Everyone is normal - no matter the particulars of your body or your sexual/romantic orientation. People come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and personalities. Learn to celebrate you and how you may enjoy intimacy, physical or mental, and obtain happiness.
Intimacy is enhanced by trust and vulnerability. Sex is enhanced by intimacy. For many people, happiness is facilitated by true openness and deep intimacy with their sexual partner.
Navigating the dating culture through social media can be exciting, but also frustrating and even lead to feelings of loneliness, self-doubt, and depression.
Quality over quantity. The depth and quality of your intimate relationships will bring you more happiness than quantity.
Explore your desires in a mentally and physically safe manner and learn what brings you joy. It will change over time and circumstances, so be flexible!
As always, be respectful of yourself and others. True intimacy requires honest connection and mutual care and respect.

Putting Happiness into Practice:

Weekly Activity:

This week, open your heart and mind and allow yourself to feel intimacy, pleasure, and connection. Give yourself permission to feel deeply, without shame or guilt. You deserve to be happy and to be free, and above else, to be treated with respect. Often we need to remind ourselves of these simple facts. Practice daily self-affirmations, enjoy your mind and body, and live fully. Explore - there is so much to learn! You are on your way to an enjoyable, fulfilling, and happy life.